Why common water can cure Saturday Night Fever and endless other ills

The water in your kitchen tap
has started getting a bad rap.
It seems there’s more than H2O
that dances down your drain.

But lest you let it get your goat,
be grateful that what clears your throat
contains a trace of substances
you don’t pay extra for.

Our household water has the means
to fuel an aging couple’s dreams.
A sip before they crawl in bed
might cause them both to smile.

And Starbucks stock may start to fall.
The water cooler down the hall
has caffeine in those big clear jugs.
They more than quench your thirst.

The common water that we drink
does way more stuff than you might think.
It staves off seizures, eases pain
and stabilizes moods.

The critics dance around the facts,
but I’m inclined to just relax
and hoist a pint of H2O
and let it do its thing.