A trick or treatise on welfare fraud;
The City of Brother Glove (and Ball)

Pint-Size Outlaws at Your Front Door
A trick or treatise on welfare fraud

October thirty-first is here
when pint-size outlaws will appear.
Instead of saying “stick ’em up”
they shout out “trick or treat.”

They wear a mask but point no gun.
Their aim is candy bars and gum.
From door to door these bandits move
oblivious to greed.

Yes, Halloween breeds criminals
disguised as ghouls and animals.
In just one night they learn the rules
for playing welfare’s game.

Like those who rob the government
these children of entitlement
expect a handout without work
and gripe when they’re denied.

The City of Brotherly Glove (and Ball)
A six month campaign ends in victory

The City of Brotherly Glove (and Ball)
where Phillies gallop free
deserves to hear a cracked bell ring.
That one called Liberty.

Long may it peal! Cheese steaks around!
Yes, C B Park is holy ground.
The citizens of this storied town
can bank on more to come.

And Harry Kalas claims a thrill
he dreamed about in Naperville.
At Central High he fantasized
about World Series fame.

Old Jamie Moyer can retire.
He’s reached for what he’d long aspired.
To go the distance with a team
he’s loved since he was young.

In such contentious scary times
when all economists seem blind
and when the candidates spew hate,
nine innings calms our stress.

And so in Independence Hall
beside the bell let’s place a ball.
A horsehide sphere that calls to mind
our national pastime.

• Harry Kalas, the play-by-play broadcaster for The Phillies since 1971 was born and raised in Naperville, IL (where Greg Asimakoupoulos lived from 1994-2005)

** At 45 years of age, Jamie Moyer is the second oldest pitcher to take the mound in a World Series game.

Not the movie, but this senseless presidential campaign;
Rays Shine in the Sun

Dumb and Dumber
Not the movie, but this senseless presidential campaign

This campaign’s way too long for me.
It’s dumb and getting dumber.
We’re focusing on two strange Joes.
The Six Pack and the Plumber.

A weatherman named Bill is back.
The forecast’s outta sight.
There’s Tony Rezko, Troopergate
and Jeremiah Wright.

There’s hockey moms that wear lipstick
and pigs with different shades
that pale in contrast to a Gov
who looks like Tina Fey.

The prophet Louis Farrakhan
says B O’s the Messiah.
It seems that Oprah thinks that too.
I’d call that blasphemia.

Just twelve more days and then we vote.
Oh promise me that’s true.
I’m sick to death of slinging mud.
I’m nauseous. Aren’t you?
 

Rays Shine in the Sun
Once they left the Devil in the dust

From worst to first in just one year.
The Rays are beaming bright.
The A L Cinderella team
wears crystal shoes tonight.

This fairytale began last fall.
The boss had faith. And then
he forced the Devil from the Rays
and they began to win.

The old was gone. The new had come.
New name and sense of worth.
A miracle the faithful say.
A genuine rebirth.

The Sunshine State is aptly named.
It really love its Rays
who shine with hope and faith and grace
on these October days.

And there’s a lesson we can learn
from down in Tampa Bay.
Resist the Devil. Start brand new.
And then (with joy) just play.

* Curiously, the worst team in Major League Baseball last year became the best team in the American League this year. It all took place after the team owners removed the Devil from team’s name last November. The Tampa Bay Devil Rays began the 2008 season as The Tampa Bay Rays. 

Why I watch The Today Show religiously;
Joe the Plumber Pleads His Case

Praying with Matt Lauer
Why I watch The Today Show religiously

While waking up from yesterday
I sip some joe and greet Today.
From Matt, Ann, Meredith and Al
I learn what I should know.

I have to watch the news each dawn
to find out all that has gone on
while I’ve been comatose to life
asleep upon my bed.

In Asia, markets have declined.
In Munich, prisoners once confined
successfully escaped from jail
and now are fugitives.

In Ireland, a deadly bomb
killed five young children and their mom.
And off the coast of Haiti,
there’s a hurricane in sight.

What happens while I’m fast asleep
amounts to more than counted sheep.
The world can change in eight short hours.
That’s why I stay informed.

But with the sadness everywhere,
I watch the news and say a prayer
in which I ask God’s will be done
on earth just like in Heaven. 

 

Joe the Plumber Pleads His Case
Making a case for the small business guy

Joe the Plumber has a point.
“Why spread the wealth around?”
Obama’s plan to tax success
is totally unsound.

Yes, Plumber Joe and small business
deserve the chance to thrive.
They don’t deserve what liberals seek
with aims to socialize.

Free enterprise will not be served
by spreading wealth around.
What motivates us to achieve
is hardly level ground.

A non-kosher look at the economy;
O. J. Can You See ?

This Little Piggy Played the Market
A non-kosher look at the economy

This little piggy played the market
This little piggy bought homes.
This little piggy chose savings.
This little piggy sold bonds.
And this little piggy went
wee wee wee wee all the way
to the poor house
(only to find his four brothers
busily trading pork bellies
in a vain attempt
to save their bacon).
 

O. J. Can You See ?
A national anthem for “Overdue Justice”

O. J. can you see
by the dawn’s early light
that the bars in your cell
are as dark as your future?

The broad stripes you now claim
on your jump suit of shame
call to mind your dead wife
and the ways you abused her.

After thirteen long years
it’s amazingly clear
that the verdict then botched
has at last now been rendered.

O. J. does it haunt you
to see all that you have have lost?
Giving in to lust and greed
without heeding the cost.

* The above lyrics can be sung to tune of “The Star Spangled Banner”

Why the First Dude is having second thoughts;
Queen Sarah and Delaware Joe and The Sting (Revisited)

A Peek at Todd Palin’s Alaska
Why the First Dude is having second thoughts

The First Dude of Alaska knows
the longings of the Eskimos
to feel fur parkas rim his face
and tundra ‘tween his toes.

Ask Todd about the Iron Dog,
the North Slope and Iditarod.
Ask him about the musk ox herds
and arctic caribou.

He understands the salmon runs,
his float plane and his grizzly guns.
He comprehends McKinley’s charm
and tracks an eagle’s flight.

Beneath the dancing Northern Lights,
Todd Palin proudly claims his rights
as royalty in The Great Land.
He’s Prince of Sourdoughs.

He’ll pale in contrast to the crowd
if Sarah wins and it gets loud.
The First Dude won’t feel much at home
in Washington DC

He’d rather scratch mosquito bites
on long Alaska summer nights.
In fact he wants Barack to win
so he won’t have to move.

Queen Sarah and Delaware Joe
The difference between the two is debatable

She can wrestle a grizzly
and harpoon a whale.
But joist with Joe Biden?
Oh my! Pour the ale.

He’s meaner that Bigfoot
and colder than snow.
A miner of mischief.
That’s Delaware Joe.

In all of Alaska
where Sarah is queen,
there’s no one like Biden
‘cept Prospector Mean.

The Sting (Revisited)
Praying Paul Newman made his peace with God

Old man Newman lost his fight
in the quiet of the night.
A Woodward glance. A star-ward gaze.
A final act on life’s small stage.

The sting of death. Grave’s victory.
Those blue eyes closed. But did they see
the exodus that God provides
for those who trust Him when they die?

If Jesus became Newman’s own,
he learned the truth too few have known.
That guilt is washed by sinless blood.
the guilt of preachers, popes or Hud.

That when Christ did his Easter thing,
he tricked the Devil. That’s the sting!
An empty grave means death’s reversed
and so is Eden’s ancient curse.

“Where, O death, is your victory? Where , O death, is your sting?” The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.”
1 Corinthians 15:55-57