Pint-Size Outlaws at Your Front Door

A trick or treatise on welfare fraud;
The City of Brother Glove (and Ball)

Pint-Size Outlaws at Your Front Door
A trick or treatise on welfare fraud

October thirty-first is here
when pint-size outlaws will appear.
Instead of saying “stick ’em up”
they shout out “trick or treat.”

They wear a mask but point no gun.
Their aim is candy bars and gum.
From door to door these bandits move
oblivious to greed.

Yes, Halloween breeds criminals
disguised as ghouls and animals.
In just one night they learn the rules
for playing welfare’s game.

Like those who rob the government
these children of entitlement
expect a handout without work
and gripe when they’re denied.

The City of Brotherly Glove (and Ball)
A six month campaign ends in victory

The City of Brotherly Glove (and Ball)
where Phillies gallop free
deserves to hear a cracked bell ring.
That one called Liberty.

Long may it peal! Cheese steaks around!
Yes, C B Park is holy ground.
The citizens of this storied town
can bank on more to come.

And Harry Kalas claims a thrill
he dreamed about in Naperville.
At Central High he fantasized
about World Series fame.

Old Jamie Moyer can retire.
He’s reached for what he’d long aspired.
To go the distance with a team
he’s loved since he was young.

In such contentious scary times
when all economists seem blind
and when the candidates spew hate,
nine innings calms our stress.

And so in Independence Hall
beside the bell let’s place a ball.
A horsehide sphere that calls to mind
our national pastime.

  • Harry Kalas, the play-by-play broadcaster for The Phillies since 1971 was born and raised in Naperville, IL (where Greg Asimakoupoulos lived from 1994-2005)

** At 45 years of age, Jamie Moyer is the second oldest pitcher to take the mound in a World Series game.